There is no lack of homies to get rowdy with in our skate community. More often than not, when there is a skate event there is also a party attached to it. It is at these parties that skaters from all different places, walks of life, and styles of shred come to get loose and have a good time. After spending a day spreading the butter of gnar thickly—and with grace—the scene abounds with many perfect opportunities to Face Chug the hell out of your closest fellows. “What is a Face Chug?” Well, let me do some explaining:
My fist experiences with this magnificent maneuver was on an epic road trip to the very first Menlo Park Skate Jam. Crammed five-deep into Trevor Watkins’s tiny, murdered-out and rattle-canned Ford Taurus—we ventured off from Santa Barbara into the northern lands of California. This specific road trip will be known by all involved as the “Raw Dogg” road trip. It was one of the best road trips I’ve ever been on and the first time I was introduced to the Face Chug. Because of this, and much more, I will forever be indebted to the skaters of the Santa Barbara shred scene.
The Face Chug itself is simple in practice, but quality execution is what separates the sheep from the shepherds. It goes something like this: When you’re at a party or some other type of gala event, it is here that the ideal conditions for Face Chugging present themselves. For clarity’s sake, let’s begin with some simple Face Chugging scenarios: By happenstance you notice your buddy getting out of line, or maybe you just want to shake things up, or perhaps even, a friend of yours just straight dissed you, flagrantly and publicly. The above mentioned moments are all viable Face Chug opportunities—now is the time to use your pocket ace—straight Chuggs to the face! Casually and with confidence, approach your target, grab the collar of their shirt and pull your victim’s face nice and cozily close to your own, all the while giving the smelliest stink-eye this/or that side of the Mississippi. Now that you are both close and personal, take whatever delicious beverage you have in hand (95% of the time this will be a cold brewski or other adult beverage.), and chug that badboy like ya mean it—guzzle with authority and with speed. Once the chugging is complete, release your victim (for added flair, you can hit ‘em with a burp upon release). Important note: Face Chuggers Beware!!!! Once you have dished out a Face Chug you are now fair game for any and every other Face Chug enthusiast in the room to reply in kind. Don’t be surprised when shortly thereafter a healthy serving of Chug is unloaded upon your collar.
While Face Chugging may appear to the uninitiated as some sort of lawless and anarchic activity, there are a few strict and stringent rules that must be followed at all times. These rules are as such:
1. While performing a Chug you must finish the beverage in its entirety. The individual receiving the FC may ask you to prove that you have finished your beverage completely after the FC is finished. You must comply to their request with a smile and an upturned beverage container.
2. No spilling is allowed. If you spill on your target, you may never Face Chug again at that specific event, and if you attempt to again engage in FC, any of your future targets may push you away while citing your previous failure.
Face Chugging is gaining momentum the world over, and there are growing number of FC variations springing up all over the galaxy. That said, not every variation is merited or officially sanctioned by the FCF (Face Chug Federation), but a few do make it past the chopping block of acceptability and become common practice. One of my personal favorite variations is the Double Face Chug. I have only used the DFC once in my lifetime, and I must admit variations of this caliber should be used sparingly. My DFC happened on the Wheelbase Magazine: “Up North, Down Hills” tour, and I will remember it for the rest of my life. While in Goldendale, Washington, at the famous (El Taco??) Mexican food restaurant there, the crew decides to order some strong drink along with our various south-of-the-border style combo-plates. On this particular occasion I decide to “go big” and get a Cadillac margarita. After finishing half of my baller drink, I get up to use the head. When I come back to the table—all satisfied and ready to reunite with the remaining ounces of my drink—I find that a very tragic event has transpired. I take a sip of my top-shelf margarita, expecting delicious, quality refreshment, but to my disgust it has been reduced to little more than a salty and peppery swill. Damn it! Since I am already a little buzzed I am not a happy-camper and begin accusing everyone of screwing up my seven-dollar drink. After some targeted scrutiny I figure out that the culprit is none other than Mr. Marcus Bandy. Immediately, I began plotting my retaliation; in moments I figure that a Double Face Chug is in order as retaliation for the destruction of my delicious beverage. Once we are all out in the parking lot, loitering around waiting for others to pay their bills, we crack some coldies to pass the time. I take one look at Marcus and go in for the Double Face Chug, wielding the stinkiest stinkeye there ever was. He is a good guy and knows the ground rules; so he lets the Face Chugging happen, as any friend would. But I’m not finished yet! Once my own beer is guzzled to completion, I snatch his libation right out of his hand and continue the Face Chug, Double style! In the end, we had more beer and the night was young. All was well and my point was made—nobody messes with my top-shelf margarita! This is the only time I have ever seen or been a part of a Double Face Chug—what a proud moment in Face Chugging history it was!
Another variation worth mentioning is the Team Face Chug. This is when two or more people Face Chug the same person at the same time. This variation can get messy and has a greater probability of spillage, which is extremely foul, as you already know, so be careful in execution of the TFC. Also make sure to bow or curtsey to the crowd once successfully completing this variation. The devils in the details.
To all partygoers and skate rats alike, please use the Face Chug wisely for it is a powerful maneuver and deserved of respect. Choose your targets carefully. Any attempt to FC a random person, as you can imagine, could very well end in serious conflict and possibly a party-brawl beatdown. Only a real and true compadre will retain proper form and composure when being served a quality Face Chug. Do be careful and practice Safe Chugging.
With that in mind, go out tonight, enjoy some saucy libations, and if the occasion arises, slam-dunk some cosmic retribution on your fellow partygoer—witnessing for yourself the glory of the almighty Face Chug.