Orangatang Wheels has introduced a wheel to the downhill skateboarding scene with the following noteworthy qualities: (1) an outer diameter encroaching on that of a regulation softball, (2) an exposed core larger than most street skating wheels in the 90s and (3) a name paying homage to an often overlooked and underutilized muscle in one’s nether-region, “The Kegel”. Since it’s a well-known and scientifically proven fact that the skateboarders running this submarine aren’t the type to engage in, er, toilet-humor, I’d like to allow the official verbiage from Otang to do us the honor:
Having trouble containing yourself after a hearty feast?
Can’t quite seem to raise the drawbridge all the way?
Is it time to tighten up the honey pot now that baby bear got outta there?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it may be time to consider making Kegels a part of your personal workout regimen.
Studies have shown that over 70% of females have experienced a measurable reduction in accidental flooding and increased love tunnel responsiveness within 6-8 weeks of consistent practice of Kegel exercises. Over 60% of male participants in similar studies have reported marked improvement in tent pitching technique and increased endurance whilst hiding the salami.
Are you ready to stop dreaming and start living a success story?
Something tells me this isn’t the last stop on Orangatang’s Funky Name Track, but I’d be OK with that if it were… So long as they move on to something more classic and timeless as using their naming power as a way to pay tribute to important philosophers from the late 20th century or, you know, something deep like that.
At this time, it appears the wheels will only be released in the 80a Happy Urethane Formula (the same as the 4President and In Heat), though we wouldn’t be surprised to see it in 83a at some point down the road. You can expect to see The Kegel on the shelves of your favorite lengthyboard supply depot beginning September 4th.