How do i change the “hey look there’s a pair of boobs on wheels” mentality that the guys have when i skate with them. I mean it’s great, because i get special treatment and all that jazz, but it does get a little annoying at times. What do i do? Get a buzz-cut and a breast reduction? Or should i just man-up and take it as it is?
Dear Troubled Shred Sista,
I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a rough go with dudes oogling and awgling you as you perform radical skateboard maneuvers. I can see how it must be tough having the boys tell you how awesome you are and treating you special all the time. Sadly, unless you follow through with those sex-change plans, it wont get any better. We treat you special because you’re special to us. Most girls want to go to the mall, talk on a cell phone, and grab and expensive meal on their mate’s dime. So any chick who is down to get out with the boys and blast a few standup slides is gonna be received as a little different from the norm. Maybe your best course of action is going to be to stop skateboarding, as it is such a male dominated sport. Or maybe gymnastics, volleyball, and cheerleading are more suitable replacements?
But on the real, you can either skate by yourself, or you can just browse enough Facebook profiles to find other girls in your area to skate with—believe me, they are out there. Then you can just start some sort of female Shred Gang and run all the boy skaters out of town using crafty mind games and the silent treatment. . . Ha ha!
Or, you can “man up” as you put it, and keep going out with the boys and learn what you can. Remember, skateboarding is what you make it. Male or Female, it’s still about fun. So get out and skate with the people that allow you to enjoy yourself. Anyone or anything else. . . just doesn’t matter.
Send all questions to: firstname.lastname@example.org
GENERAL DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this column are meant to be interpreted satirically and not to be taken too seriously. To all you skaters out there, you’re awesome; please don’t take this shit to heart and then try and track me down in some weird internet-witch-hunt. Do remember, it’s all about fun.